


Short Message Service: Prologue

by solrosan



Series: Short Message Service [2]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bickering, Brothers, Gen, Implied Drug Use, Pre-Canon, Prologue, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 02:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solrosan/pseuds/solrosan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The prologue to <i><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/338105/chapters/547186">Short Message Service</a></i>, or the story of why Mycroft regrets getting a mobile phone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Short Message Service: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Just for the record, [zedille](http://zedille.tumblr.com/) got the first version of this in the beginning of August and it has been a _long_ – but not painful, this time – birth of this instalment. She’s a treasure and invaluable to this project, so it’s worth the wait.
> 
> Finally I want to apologise to Prince Charles and Prince Carl Philip.

-x-

_Welcome 2 the 21st  
century brother dear._

What does “only for  
emergencies” mean,  
Sherlock?  
MH

_I dont know if im  
more impressed that  
u can text or that  
uve managed this  
long without a proper  
phone._

I must say I find  
it more impressive  
that you haven’t  
lost or blown up any  
of yours.  
MH

_Not 4 lack of trying.  
i did put the 3210  
in the microwave._

Please don’t remind  
me.  
MH

And do tell me, is  
there a law against  
using proper English  
in text messages?  
MH

_Ud know that  
better than i._

This conversation  
is making me wish  
there were one.  
Seriously, Sherlock,  
Mummy would weep  
if she saw how you’re  
writing.  
MH

_Theres a limit of 160  
characters._

You’re nowhere close  
to 160 characters. Your  
argument makes no  
sense.  
MH 

_It does 2._

I seem to manage fine  
with both limits and  
grammar.  
MH

_But it takes u 30 min  
2 write 1 text._

That’s a price I’m willing  
to pay for the sake of the  
English language.  
MH

_It makes u seem old._

It makes me seem  
professional. You  
should try it sometime.  
MH

-x-

_I need a new polarised  
light microscope.  
SH_

That’s impossible. You  
don't have an old one.  
MH

_I need a polarised  
light microscope.  
SH_

I might get you one  
just because you finally  
started using proper  
English.  
MH

_Shut up.  
SH_

Suddenly, I don’t feel  
quite as generous.  
MH

_I want the microscope!  
SH_

-x-

_What are you doing?  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_I’m bored.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_I’m going to keep texting  
you until you answer me.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

_Mycroft.  
SH_

The Prince of Wales says  
hello.  
MH

_Don’t even try. I know  
you’re in Manchester.  
SH_

So is he.  
MH

_Why on earth would  
he be in Manchester?  
SH_

Perhaps he likes Queer  
as Folk?  
MH

_No, that’s why you go  
to Manchester.  
SH_

His Royal Highness and I  
can have similar interests.  
MH

_You do know text messages  
aren't encrypted, right?  
SH_

_Mycroft, I’d get rich if I  
showed these messages  
to the tabloids.  
SH_

_I won’t, but seriously,  
shut up.  
SH_

_Mycroft?  
SH_

Sherlock, be quiet. I’m  
busy.  
MH

-x-

_What have you done to  
the traffic? It’s impossible  
to get around!  
SH_

I’m sorry. It’s an unforeseen  
side effect of the war in Iraq.  
MH

_Does the flap of a  
butterfly's wings in  
Brazil set off a tornado  
in Texas?  
SH_

Something like that, yes.  
MH

_You’re being ridiculous.  
SH_

Yes, Sherlock. I’m clearly  
the one being ridiculous.  
MH

-x-

_I envy people.  
SH_

_Imagine being able to find  
fulfilment in something  
as mundane as driving a  
bus.  
SH_

_I wonder what it would  
be like to watch a sunset  
and find it beautiful.  
SH_

_Or a sunrise.  
SH_

Why so philosophical  
all of a sudden?  
MH

_Or just anything.  
SH_

_How do people stand  
children and their  
screaming, Mycroft?  
SH_

_I can understand the  
first child. It’s biology,  
after all.  
SH_

_No, I can’t understand  
that either.  
SH_

_Do you ever wonder  
why our parents had  
me after suffering  
through nine months of  
you having colic?  
SH_

_Why didn’t your inability  
to play with others scare  
them from mixing their  
genes any further?  
SH_

Are you all right?  
MH

_They did wait seven years,  
so maybe they forgot?  
SH_

_Did they even want  
another child, Mycroft?  
SH_

_I’m sure you wanted a  
kitten instead.  
SH_

_Sorry. You just got me.  
SH_

_Maybe I could drive a bus.  
SH_

_Or fly a plane.  
SH_

_I want to see the midnight  
sun.  
SH_

_No, I don’t. It’s just the sun.  
SH_

_I’ve seen the sun. It’s  
boring.  
SH_

_Mycroft, why can’t I  
find it interesting?  
SH_

Open the door, I’m  
downstairs.  
MH

-x-

_The church down the  
street has just installed  
a surveillance camera.  
SH_

_That’s the fourth camera  
in the last two weeks.  
SH_

_It was a bit obvious when  
the philanthropy club  
installed one.  
SH_

_Now it’s just  
embarrassing.  
SH_

_How can you ignore  
me and keep me under  
surveillance at the  
same time?  
SH_

It’s one of my many  
skills, Sherlock.  
MH

_Shut up!  
SH_

You do know that you're  
the one initiating all our  
conversations here,  
don’t you?  
MH

_I hate you.  
SH_

-x-

_You’re too good  
for him, anyway.  
SH_

-x-

_Fuck off.  
SH_

Eloquent as always.  
MH

_Fuck. Off.  
SH_

What do you want,  
Sherlock?  
MH

_Leave me alone.  
SH_

Start acting like a  
responsible human  
being, and I’ll be  
glad to.  
MH

_I’m not a child.  
SH_

You could have  
fooled me.  
MH

_You’re an idiot.  
SH_

We both know that’s  
not true.  
MH

_Fuck off.  
SH_

May I offer you some  
soap and water for  
that mouth of yours?  
MH

-x-

_I’m not going.  
SH_

Where are you not going?  
MH

_Christmas. I’m not  
going home for  
Christmas.  
SH_

Like you didn’t last year?  
MH

Or the year before that?  
MH

_I’m busy. I have a case.  
SH_

If you haven’t figured  
out that it was the  
footballer’s wife by  
Christmas, I’ll schedule  
you for an MRI when  
we return to London.  
MH

_Heartwarming.  
SH_

Do you want me to  
pick you up on the 23rd?  
MH

_No.  
SH_

How’s 16:30? Then  
we'll have time for a  
drink with Daddy  
before dinner.  
MH

_How about never?  
SH_

Let’s say 17:15.  
MH

_I’m not going, Mycroft.  
SH_

See you Wednesday.  
MH

_I hate you.  
SH_

-x-

_Are you dead?  
SH_

Yes.  
MH

_Oh, ha ha.  
SH_

Stupid questions get  
stupid answers.  
MH

_There are no stupid  
questions, just stupid  
people.  
SH_

Texting people to  
ask if they’re dead  
isn’t the most brilliant  
way of finding out if  
they’re still alive.  
MH

_It worked this time. Why  
haven’t you answered  
my texts all day?  
SH_

I turned my phone off. I  
was with the Chancellor.  
MH

_Naughty.  
SH_

Sherlock, grow up. We  
had a budget meeting.  
MH

_Pity. From what I  
understand, he’s quite  
handsome.  
SH_

Did you want something,  
Sherlock?  
MH

_Yes. How much wood  
could a woodchuck  
chuck if a woodchuck  
could chuck wood?  
SH_

I’m turning off my  
phone again now.  
MH

_You’re so dull.  
SH_

-x-

_Why are people  
so stupid?  
SH_

Oh, I don’t know. Why  
is the sky blue?  
MH

_Why would anyone  
care about knowing  
something like that?  
SH_

Why would anyone  
deliberately and  
repeatedly put  
himself in mortal  
danger?  
MH

_Perhaps he’s really,  
really bored.  
SH_

Or perhaps you’re  
an idiot, Sherlock.  
MH

And the sky is blue due  
to Rayleigh scattering.  
MH

 _Stop trying to fill my  
head with unnecessary  
knowledge!  
SH_

-x-

_Help_

What did you do?

_I’m sorry._

What did you take?

Where are you?

_I don’t know._

Stay where you are,  
I’ll find you.

-x-

_I want a new phone.  
SH_

Buy a new one, then.  
MH

_I don’t have any money.  
SH_

Find a more suitable  
occupation. There’s  
an opening in my  
department.  
MH

_There are no words in  
the English language to  
express how uninterested  
I am.  
SH_

_I want a new phone.  
SH_

Luckily for me, there  
are words in the  
English language to  
express how interested  
I am in giving you a new  
phone. Those words are  
“absolutely not.”  
MH

_You hate me.  
SH_

Only because I love you.  
MH

-x-

_What’s the catch?  
SH_

What are you talking  
about this time?  
MH

_You know what I mean.  
SH_

No, I can’t keep up  
with all your paranoid  
ideas about how I’m  
meddling in your life.  
MH

_The phone. Why did  
you give me a new  
phone?  
SH_

You said you wanted one.  
MH

_There has to be a catch.  
SH_

You got me there. The  
phone is part of a  
super-secret alien  
cover-up.  
MH

_Have you been watching  
The X-Files again?  
SH_

It’s just a phone,  
Sherlock. I thought  
you'd like it. It’s a  
huge improvement  
over your old one.  
MH

It’s not even bugged.  
MH

_I’m not taking your  
word on that.  
SH_

I didn’t expect you to.  
MH

-x-

_Happy birthday.  
SH_

_Do you feel old?  
SH_

No. And thank you  
for the umbrella.  
MH

_I’m sorry about what  
happened with the  
last one.  
SH_

No, you’re not.

_You’re right. I’m not.  
SH_

-x-

_Starting a new war,  
brother dear?  
SH_

Not that I’m aware of.  
MH

_Then why can’t I get  
a cab?  
SH_

Just take the Tube,  
Sherlock. It won’t kill  
you.  
MH

_It might, and then you'll  
be sorry.  
SH_

Don’t die just to spite me.  
MH

-x-

_Stop it.  
SH_

Fine.  
MH

_Not that!  
SH_

All right. How’s this?  
MH

_You’re so not funny.  
SH_

But I’m having fun.  
MH

_Turn the power and the  
Internet back on!  
SH_

I don’t want to.  
MH

_Grow up!  
SH_

You first.  
MH

_You’re older than  
I am.  
SH_

Yes.  
MH

_Therefore you should  
grow up first and turn  
my power back on.  
SH_

Fine.  
MH

_Thank you.  
SH_

What was it you  
really wanted me  
to stop doing?  
MH

_You made me forget.  
SH_

I’m sure it’ll come back  
to you.  
MH

-x-

_Kidnapping DI Lestrade  
and offering him money  
to spy on me was low,  
even for you.  
SH_

Oh, so he told you about  
that already?  
MH

_You thought he wouldn’t?  
SH_

I was sure he would.  
I just didn’t think he’d  
do it tonight.  
MH

_Seriously, Mycroft, do  
you need to meddle  
in everything?  
SH_

No. The Eurovision Song  
Contest doesn’t interest  
me that much. Sweden  
always cheats, anyway.  
MH

_Stay out of my life!  
SH_

What did you tell the  
Detective Inspector?  
MH

_That you were an escaped  
mental patient.  
SH_

And he was satisfied  
with that explanation?  
MH

_No. He insisted I was  
in mortal danger and  
wanted to put me  
in protective custody.  
SH_

How precious of him.  
MH

_He didn’t stop until  
I told him you were  
my brother.  
SH_

How did he take that?  
MH

_He said that he should  
have known. I took that  
as an insult.  
SH_

Of course you did.  
MH

_Stay away from him.  
SH_

I’m not taking the  
Detective Inspector  
from you, Sherlock.  
MH

_You’re just placing him  
on a high shelf so I can’t  
reach him, like you did  
with my scalpels.  
SH_

You were five. You  
weren't supposed to have  
scalpels. And you climbed  
up and took them down  
two days after I put them  
there.  
MH

_If you ruin this for me,  
I’ll never forgive you.  
SH_

Don’t worry, Sherlock.  
I wouldn’t dream of it.  
MH

-x-

Are you all right?  
MH

_I thought you said it  
was stupid to ask  
things like that over  
text messages.  
SH_

Where are you?  
MH

_Russell Square.  
SH_

Come to my office.  
MH

_Are you insane? A  
bomb just went off.  
SH_

Three bombs just went  
off.  
MH

_What’s going on?  
SH_

I don’t know, but I need  
to know you’re safe  
before I can find out.  
MH

_I’ll be at your office  
in half an hour.  
SH_

I’ll make sure they  
let you in.  
MH

-x-

_Tell her thanks, but  
no thanks.  
SH_

You’re not saying no  
to an invitation from  
the Queen, Sherlock.  
MH

_Then tell her I have a  
cold.  
SH_

You’re not turning down  
a royal decoration.  
MH

_I sat in your office for  
sixteen hours straight.  
There’s no honour in that.  
SH_

Your Queen and Country  
are grateful you did.  
MH

_How did you even  
convince them to give  
me this?  
SH_

I’ll tell you if you come  
and accept it.  
MH

_I’m not that interested.  
SH_

Just come and accept  
the honour. It won’t  
kill you.  
MH

_Why can’t you say  
thank you like a  
normal person?  
SH_

Thank you.  
MH

_You’re welcome.  
SH_

_But I’m still not going to  
Buckingham Palace.  
SH_

-x-

_Did you find anything  
interesting in Dublin?  
SH_

I might have.  
MH

_Did you bring me  
anything?  
SH_

It wasn’t a vacation,  
Sherlock.  
MH

-x-

_Lestrade’s wife is cheating  
on him.  
SH_

Keep that to yourself.  
MH

_But he’s so oblivious.  
SH_

There are things  
people know but  
choose not to see.  
MH

_That’s stupid.  
SH_

It’s human.  
MH

_He has the right to know.  
SH_

Do you remember what  
happen the last time  
you didn’t keep this kind  
of observation to yourself?  
MH

_That wasn’t my fault.  
SH_

Of course it wasn’t, you  
were seven. But it didn’t  
make anything better,  
either.  
MH

_You really think I shouldn't  
tell him?  
SH_

The fact that you asked  
me first instead of just  
telling him makes me  
think you agree.  
MH

_You’re an idiot.  
SH_

That doesn’t mean I’m  
not right.  
MH

-x-

_I’m not suicidal.  
SH_

So that was just, what,  
a miscalculation?  
MH

_It was an unfortunate  
incident. You don’t have  
to make Lestrade babysit  
me.  
SH_

That’s completely his doing,  
though I must say that he  
has my full support.  
MH

_Of course he does.  
SH_

Sherlock, please.  
MH

_I’m not suicidal.  
SH_

But are you clean?  
MH

_Is there an answer you'll  
believe?  
SH_

No.  
MH

_It really was an accident.  
SH_

That I do believe.  
MH

-x-

_There’s a homeless shelter  
on Roman Road that needs  
money.  
SH_

Sadly, most shelters do.  
MH

_Then do something about it.  
SH_

From where do you suggest  
we take the funds? Education?  
Healthcare?  
MH

_I’m not talking about all  
shelters. I’m just talking  
about this one.  
SH_

_Mycroft, please.  
SH_

It’s not within my power.  
I’m sorry.  
MH

_I said please.  
SH_

Believe it or not, but the  
state budget does not  
depend on your diction.  
MH

_This is important to  
me, Mycroft.  
SH_

Yes, I see that, but why?  
MH

_I spent three months  
there in 1998.  
SH_

I’ll make a personal  
donation.  
MH

_Thank you.  
SH_

-x-

_Barts needs a new  
atomic absorption  
spectrometer.  
SH_

What did you do to  
the one they had?  
MH

_I didn’t do anything. It’s  
just old.  
SH_

I’m in a meeting, Sherlock.  
Can we do this later?  
MH

_Then why haven’t you  
turned your phone off?  
SH_

I’m waiting for a call.  
MH

_Interesting. Who besides  
me has this number?  
SH_

_I’m warning you. I won’t  
stop texting you until you  
tell me.  
SH_

_Or until you promise me  
a new atomic absorption  
spectrometer.  
SH_

_It’s not Freddie again, is it?  
SH_

_Mycroft, you can do better  
than him.  
SH_

_And it’s true, because you  
know I’d rather die than  
compliment you.  
SH_

_I heard James Dew has a  
new lover. You do know he’s  
bald, right?  
SH_

_Or is it a woman?  
SH_

_No, I suppose you would  
have told Mummy at  
Christmas if it was.  
SH_

_I really think you should  
tell her that little Mr Perfect  
isn’t going to give her any  
grandchildren.  
SH_

_Please give me an atomic  
absorption spectrometer!  
SH_

_Mycroft!  
SH_

-x-

Ms Somers, please make  
my brother stop texting me.  
MH

How am I supposed to do  
that, sir?

I don’t care. Just do it.  
MH

Sir, you don’t pay me  
enough to babysit.

If you can get Sherlock  
to stop texting me, I’ll  
get you Prince Carl  
Philip’s phone number.  
MH

Consider it done.

-x-

Mr Holmes, stop  
texting your brother.  
He is in a meeting. 

_The obnoxious bastard can  
turn off his phone.  
SH_

He is waiting for a call.

_Who are you?  
SH_

I’m sure you’ll figure  
it out.

[…](http://archiveofourown.org/works/338105/chapters/547186)


End file.
